How many hearts have to break?

I just got off the phone with my ex-wife Maya, many of you know her. She is a remarkable woman. She wrestles with internal demons, just like we all do, but she is vibrant sole whom I spent 16 years of my life with.

She had been reading my Facebook posts and wanted me to explain what all had been going on in the WY Legislature.  She has never been much for politics or how the process works. So I was telling her about HB74 and SJ5.  I jokingly said, "So I guess I've become Mr. Gay Pride Wyoming." To which she responded "Yeah, I see that. It is really embarrassing to me!" The phone was silent and I could hear her start to cry.

You see I grew up in a small church in Wheatland. My mom made sure my brother and I never missed a Sunday. There were a handful of really good people there. Good Christians that didn't judge and truly loved the human race unconditionally.  And.. There were a handful of people at church that were just like the WyWatch folks that have been lobbying hate and intolerance up at the Capital.

These are the people that try and force their views onto everyone else. People that say being gay is a sin and homosexuals will spend eternity in hell. People that say being gay is a choice. People who pass judgment onto everyone else that looks, acts, or believes differently than they do. They constantly lecture on how everyone else should be living their lives; and even lobby lawmakers to pass laws that would impose these beliefs onto all of society.

These kinds of churches, people, and laws (HB74 and SJ5,) are the exact things that keep people like me from being who we are truly meant to be, or worse yet make people feel that they can’t even bear to live. These are the elements that force us into the closet and keep us there through fear of what others and God might think about us or do to us.

I'm not straight, I'm not bi, I'm not confused, I'm 100% gay! And I've known this forever. It was never a choice for me; this is how I was born.

But... I was terrified of my internal feelings, and I suppressed them and fought them for the first 36 years of my life. People talked, pointed fingers, gossiped, some say they knew all along; I really don't care what people thought, I knew I had to stop living a lie.

I'm living a very happy life right now, and I have an amazing daughter as a result of my straight marriage, but when I came out three years ago I broke Maya's heart. I hope I can forgive myself someday for putting her through everything. I hurt her badly and she has shed countless tears. She told me to keep fighting and standing up for gay people. She says if this can keep other hearts from breaking and keep other people from being forced into living a lie, it is so worth it!

I don't usually share my personal situation, but this is important and I see a day ahead when people will be able to live their entire life with pride. Until that day comes I will continue to tell my story in hopes that it will make a difference for someone who is struggling.

In the meantime; all of us that get it, all of us who understand, all of us who are strong, must speak out and stand up for equality! We can make a difference! I’ve seen it!

Jeran